In Which LaFontaine is Not Dating A USB Based AI
by doranobaka
Summary: [LaFerry] JP's cursor flashed as if he were thinking before more text scrolled up the screen. 'No, that wasn't what I meant. Bother, there's no good way to say this. Have you considered the possibility that maybe this life-or-death ordeal may have awakened some nascent emotions you might have? Some emotions concerning Perry in particular, perhaps'


**A/N:** There is never enough LaFerry fluff.

* * *

LaFontaine's face, already mottled with bruises, looked nearly corpse-like in the dim glow of the library's terminals. Those had been JP's words, not their own- though LaFontaine couldn't help but wonder how JP even knew what their face looked like when none of the terminals had a webcam. His words hung in plain courier font on the screen closest to LaFontaine, vaguely green and accusatory: _I know you enjoy learning as much as I do, but people are beginning to wonder about... things._

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," LaFontaine grumbled. Ugh, he was right; they'd seen Laura's videos, too. But somehow, the library seemed a hell of a lot safer than their dorm room right now. Even- maybe especially- at night. "I just... there's a lot of questions we need answers to. That _I_ need answers to. And I'm not going to make you do all that legwork alone, all right?" Their stomach lurched as they thought about the last time they had left JP unsupervised. Or rather, a copy of JP.

The text scrolled. _All right. I understand. So, what's next?_

"I probably should've done this sooner," LaFontaine said, "but I've gotta know if there's any chance those weird brain parasites could have caused permanent damage." Their voice stayed even and steady, which was definitely better than they felt.

 _You mean other than the memory loss?_ When they nodded, the text scrolled. _Well, are you experiencing any residual symptoms? Unquenchable thirst for fizzy dagons; desire to wear sequined party garb; need to partake in dancing on tables? ;)_

Eugh. When their companion phrased it like that, it made LaFontaine almost grateful for the gaping hole in their recollection. Which must have shown on their face because the next few lines of text were various arrangements of _Ha ha!_ and _L. O. L.!_. (JP hadn't _quite_ gotten the hang of Internet acronyms, but LaFontaine had to give him full marks for trying.)

"No, nothing like that," LaFontaine grumbled as JP's "laughter" subsided. "Just... Ever since we took down the Dean and that hungry light baddie, things have been kind of off, you know? Like..." They huffed out a breath and pushed their hair away from their eyes. How could they describe what had been happening lately? "Okay, here's an example: intermittent heart palpitations; increased sweat gland activity centralized in my palms- also intermittent; decreased appetite; disruptions to digestive activity; and sometimes I get this feeling like I'm almost feverish, but then it passes."

The cursor representing JP's contribution to the conversation blinked rhythmically as he scoured the library's databases. After a few moments, he asked, _You emphasized the fact that this is all intermittent... Is there any pattern to when or where you experience these symptoms?_

"Well, yeah," LaFontaine said with a shrug. "I already isolated that variable. I'm not a freshman bio student, you know."

 _... And?_

"It's mostly limited to the dorm," they replied. "Well, our dorm. The one I share with Perry, I mean."

The cursor blinked a few more times before JP responded. _LaFontaine, you know how much I respect you and value your friendship even after our short time together, right?_

"Yeah, I do." They had both been through a similar set of hellish circumstances; of course LaFontaine understood the regard JP held them in.

 _Then, please, don't misinterpret my intentions when I say this, but... Have you considered the possibility that your so-called "symptoms" are not related to your close call with a cerebral parasite at all? That they could, in fact, be linked to a far more mundane cause?_

"Sure, I considered it, but I already checked our room for allergens like _three times_ this week and I don't think a cold would be localized like that. Especially since Perry is fine." They drummed their fingers lightly on the formica-finished table top, the only show of frustration they were willing to allow when the books around them were still quietly slumbering.

JP's cursor flashed as if he were thinking before more text scrolled up the screen. _No, that wasn't what I meant. Bother, there's no good way to say this. Have you considered the possibility that maybe this life-or-death ordeal may have awakened some nascent emotions you might have? Some emotions concerning Perry in particular, perhaps?_

Of all the things that LaFontaine had been expecting him to say ( _It could be brain cancer,_ or _Demonic possession seems likely,_ or even _What about sudden onset of a vampire-cat allergy?_ ), that had not been on the list. A million and one rebuttals ran through LaFontaine's mind, too fast for them to even begin to form words. What actually came out was a series of strangled splutters interspersed with incoherent syllables like "what," "uh," and "no."

 _Methinks the gentleperson doth protest too much,_ JP teased.

"Perry is my best friend!" LaFontaine protested, trying to keep their voice down lest they awaken some tome in the stacks. "I've known her since I was, like, five!"

 _You say that as if no best friends have ever developed feelings for each other after a life-threatening experience. You saw how upset she was when she thought she'd lost you._ Which was true. The whole campus intranet had seen that, one way or another. When LaFontaine didn't try to refute this fact, JP continued, _You should at least think about talking to her. You two have barely spoken since the incident at the Lustig. If I didn't know better, I would think you were avoiding her... :P_

LaFontaine flinched. JP was right, they _were_ avoiding Perry. And in light of how upset she'd been over their previous disappearance, that was probably the crummiest thing they could have done. Ugh. They rubbed their eyes with the heels of their palms and groaned. "I am so dumb."

When they looked back at the terminal, JP had written, _There, there. Imagine I have a body and have patted you on the shoulder in a friendly and reassuring manner._

The mental image startled a chuckle out of LaFontaine. "We should research that, too. I know a couple of freshmen- these two brothers- in the alchemy club that have been working on creating human flesh through alchemical means-"

The terminal next to them emitted a warning beep followed by JP printing _Not now!_ on the screen.

"All right, I'm going, I'm going! See?" They reached for JP's USB stick, giving him a few seconds to log out before removing it and stuffing it in their pocket.

* * *

Every surface in the dorm room they shared with Perry had been scrubbed to within an inch of its life, which served as a pretty good indicator that JP was right about how Perry must feel with LaFontaine spending so much time in the library. Perry herself perched birdlike on a stool next to their toaster oven, watching a batch of some tasty-smelling treats as it baked. If she heard LaFontaine enter, she didn't give any indication.

They cleared their throat. "Uh, hey, Perr. Can we, um, talk, maybe?"

She didn't look up from her baking vigil, but she nodded all the same. "Yes. I think that maybe we should."

It felt like the bottom had fallen out of the world, and LaFontaine had to grab the door frame to keep from pitching over. Their stomach twisted into a tiny knot of anxiety at Perry's matter-of-fact statement. What if they had waited too long to realize what a jerk they'd been? What if Perry wanted to leave Silas after all the stuff she'd been through? "Okay. Um, you first?" they squeaked.

Perry said nothing, instead reaching for a pair of oven mitts decorated like a cow and a chicken (LaFontaine had given them both to her during Hanukkah one year as part of a whole set of rustic-themed gifts). She opened the toaster oven just as its built-in timer dinged and pulled out a small pan of cheesecake brownies. Whatever they were about to discuss must have weighed heavily on her shoulders for Perry to make them that fancy. She set them on a nearby cooling rack and turned to face LaFontaine.

"This past semester has been really difficult," she said. Dark circles ringed her eyes and her face looked drawn and pale. LaFontaine fought down the urge to say "no shit," because despite that being the understatement of the year, they knew Perry wasn't done talking. Instead, they nodded. "For most of the past few months, I was convinced I was losing my best friend, and I... I didn't take that well. But then it looked like I really _would_ lose you and I realized how awful I'd been about... well, everything."

Perry paused and took a deep breath. Her eyes shined with moisture but her tone was as restrained as always. "I don't want to lose you, all right? I'm sorry for disrespecting you before and I promise I will do better. I don't know what I would do without you."

LaFontaine crossed the short distance between them and threw their arms around Perry's shoulders. "Well, you wouldn't have to argue about what lab equipment makes a good Christmas gift?" they said, hugging Perry as tightly as they could.

Perry giggled, a high-pitched, almost hysterical noise that ended in a sniffle. "I'm sorry the whole campus knows what a lousy gifter you are now."

"I don't know how I would ever do Christmas shopping without your voice of reason," they agreed. "I don't know what I would do without you, either. That's... That's kind of what I wanted to talk about because after this whole mess of being pod-personed and foiling evil vampire cult plans and seeing you be really hardcore about everything... Listen, Perr, I-"

"I love you, too, you weirdo," Perry said. She shifted so she could wrap her arms around LaFontaine and pressed her face against their shoulder. The two of them stayed that way for several moments, just holding on to each other and not saying anything while the aroma of the fresh brownies permeated the room.

Finally, LaFontaine cleared their throat again. "So, just to be clear, when you say you love me, that means we're getting each other Valentine's cards next year, right?"

They couldn't see it, but they were sure Perry rolled her eyes. "We've been doing that for years already."

"Okay, but I mean we're going to be each others' dates for homecoming from now on."

"We've been doing that already, too," Perry pointed out. "But if you mean that we're doing it as more than just friends and possibly with kissing, then the answer is 'yes.'"

"I like kissing," LaFontaine supplied unhelpfully.

Perry pulled back far enough that they could see her skeptical expression. "And whom, exactly, have you been kissing lately?"

"I have been kissing _lots_ of people," LaFontaine said despite the rising color in their cheeks. "I am the most eligible bachelor on this floor until like thirty seconds ago." When Perry added a quirked eyebrow to her skeptical look, LaFontaine sighed. "Okay. Fine. I like kissing _in theory_. But you could totally help me put together some sample data to prove it?"


End file.
